Each one already has some innate talents, a personality that will develop and grow. If you have more than one child, you'll know how amazing it is to watch both children grow up in the same environment but grow so differently, and respond to different things. They are a little like a sponge, absorbing both the good and bad that comes their way. It's our job to create an environment that gives them a strong foundation to build their success from.
To start the foundations right, all children need an environment of good boundaries, routines, rules and responsibility. These words are often bandied about but the following is a basic rundown of how these work to created success.
The first boundary has to be love, and is best started from birth. Your child's understanding of unconditional love, that you'll be there for them no matter what begins here. If this boundary is well established everything else is easier. You need to attend to your baby's needs, as they occur, and learn to read the personality of your baby and adapt your parenting to suit. One baby may be best suited to being held for long periods of time, born touch hungry, while another one prefers to have time alone in their cot. Each child needs to be parented differently.
Focus on natural consequences, such as tidying up a mess they've made themselves, paying for the window they broke, or apologizing face to face for a wrong they've committed. This has to be age appropriate (young children may sometimes only clean up a portion of the mess, and you help with the rest), and it needs to be consistent. Every one is allowed to have a rough day where you just sort it out yourself, but it's good to keep going with the boundaries you've created. The chief boundaries basically boil down to three important precepts: Respect for self, respect for others, and respect for things.
For some routines adds a certain gleam to the eye, while for others cultivating routines send you into the realm of panic attacks.
While some like to run a home with military precision, the most positive way to create routine is out of need, rather than a quest for perfection. Perfection creates stress and anxiety.
Develop rules that both develop a good sense of respect for self, others and things, and develops responsibility
Most of us work better if we have a little carrot in front of us. It may be money, or time off, or the longer term payoff of a better relationship. These are the things that drive us.
Rules are far more likely to be adhered to if children can see the payoff for doing so. Work out consequences for rules not being adhered to and stick to them firmly right from the start. If your child is consistently bucking the system, look at the rules. Does your child perceive its fair? Are they confused as one day you make them stick to the rules and the next day you don't? Keep it simple, keep it consistent. Sit down and work out the basic rules of your home. These can be quite broad, and relate back to the boundaries.
Our house is a place where we talk to each other with respectful and pleasant voices. Our house is a place where ours and other people's belongings are cared for and we put them away when they are not in use.
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